I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize