What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize