Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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