What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize