So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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