Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
