thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
