THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
