You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Gay?
German.
Pity.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
