Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I just made out with a guy for $7.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
COCAINE IS GR8
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
