Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Randomize
