On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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