"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
