Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
you inspire me to be a worse person
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
