I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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