I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
