I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
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