He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
