Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
another moral hangover. fuck.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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