I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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