careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
