I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
