she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize