So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
