i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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