She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I would ride that face into the sunset
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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