The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
