I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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