pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Houston, we have a squirter
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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