Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
