remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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