mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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