Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
