Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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