who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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