Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
