I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
