Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
