I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
