I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
