The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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