it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
