ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
