R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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