but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
