I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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