She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
