id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
