if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
