I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
