I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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