Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
