Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
