nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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