So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
