You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
