I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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