This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Randomize
