if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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