no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
