She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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