I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
