Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I love you. Go after that dick
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
