just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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