three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
