I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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