Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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