I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
