The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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