i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
