she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize