When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i will never coherently bang her
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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