i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
