Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
