I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
